Only a Dad can give another Dad their perspective on pregnancy, birth, and the responsibility of fatherhood. Wisdom is priceless! Dads, we applaud your openess to share with us how you were willing to learn, do, change, apply, support, cherish, and love this amazing process called..
The perspective from a daddy to daddy on how to be a good husband when your wife is in labor! Lol! Here's my five cents....
1. I think this is a very serious moment for your wife because she's dealing with a lot of pain, let me say that again a lot of pain; and at this point, anything and everything will tick her off. The way you smell, body odor and/or bad breath, even the constant nagging for her to breathe, or telling her to relax, all these, especially if your considering a home birth!
2. Now this is also for those macho men that wants to coach their wives as if it's a crossfit workout, Don't Do It! God created women to be able to endure the pain that they gotta go through when giving birth and we macho men won't be able to comprehend the pain level that they are going through because we weren't designed for that type of pain! We can handle pain but nothing like that, so we gotta let our ego fly away and step aside and watch how strong your wife really is and be totally amazed at this super women doing something you can't!
3. My wife Kelly did amazingly well with our three kids (you can read her story under Lanakila, Gabby, and Makena's birth stories).
Baby #1: Our first (Lanakila) was an unplanned C-section. Everything we learned in in the birth classes that we attended was true. What we learned about hospital births and the process that one would go through, we went through all the way to the operating table! I encourage you to educate yourself by taking these birth classes. It was the toughest challenge that we faced, because we didn't want a C -section and to see my wife go through that kind of pain was gut wrenching! So for our second birth we purposefully decided that we are having this baby at home!
Baby #2: So now the second round of labor (child #2 Gabby) we were at home and what I did was give here a lot of encouragement and made sure the house was clean, every thing was in order, I even had these Christmas scent candles that she loves filling the air to release stress in her! I made sure she had ice cold water to drink because that's what she likes, a lot of the things that the daddy should do is all the things "She Likes"! So the baby comes out I got to catch it while Lanakila got to watch the whole thing go down! It was wonderful, we got to rest on our own bed and chill in peace and then after many hours we called the family so that they could visit us at home!
Baby #3: Third round baby(Makena) we had him at home, same
scenario but this time she gave birth to him in the water ( birth tub, that I set up and filled up with hot water). I did a lot of other things besides the encouragement and comfort, like setting up
the birth tub, getting towels, food, water, setting the mood with music and lighting and making sure things were set up, even for the actual birth and clean up! I made sure all the supplies that we
needed was near! So the water birth was super cool, while she was kind of making a lot of noise while the baby was crowning, she actually woke up our two daughters so I had to go into their bedroom
calm them down and let them know all that was happening. (when daddy is calm kids become calm) and when they understood I bought them into the birth so they could encourage their mom and watch
their brother being born! It was awesome!
4. A lot of encouragement and comfort is needed not just at birth but for the whole nine months and
after at least 4-6months after because of what your wife went through in carrying for nine months the demands on her body and also the after affects and demands on her body. You gotta pick up the
slack around the house, you cannot rely on her to do everything, you gotta man up, and do your part and I think you will, after witnessing the amazing strength and beauty of your wife going through
the birthing process!
5. In conclusion, there are hard and strenuous jobs out there that we men are good at and some of those jobs we make it look easy and sometimes maybe our wives would say that your job is easy because the way you do it; it looks it! We may have the same feeling as we see our wives carrying our child in their bellies for nine months and their body getting out of whack and pushing out your child and repairing their body cause it got out of whack and trying to get it back to looking normal! If she looks like it's all under control and she makes it look easy...it's not! She will need you more than ever!
It was very helpful to have a doula around to help me as a father to stay focus and be strong while my wife was in labour. They always, and I mean always are on top of everything when the nurse or doctors came around. Because we fathers tend to forget what to say, or what we are supppsed to do, when our wife is in pain, it helped to have the gentle reminders of what we had agreed for our birth plan.
I thank God for this class, because it helped me to know how to help my wife breath the right way, and also what to do and what not to do. I also learned what happens during the process of labor and birth. Love those classes! As a father of four, I highly recommend that every birthing family hire a doula, to help them achieve the experience they are looking for. Even though I was the guardian of my wife's birth plan, our doula had all the knowledge and tools to help me be an effective partner at birth.
I cannot express how grateful I am that the Wolfe family introduced us to Pastor Mari and Doctor Lori. Being a new father is pretty stressful and there were so many things being thrown my way. Luckily, with the birthing classes, I was able to take a step back, and really make some educated decisions about how I thought I wanted my child brought into this world. Having a doula around during the pregnancy was comforting, reassuring, and really helped my confidence as a father doing everything I could not to get bit by my wife. Three kids later, I was never screamed at, bitten, or cursed at. And that's what it's all about, isn't it?
God blessed Hedder and her sister, Heidi, the opportunity to be pregnant at the same time, and even more so by Heidi introducing us to the Ark and the birthing classes. The Stewart's made us feel so comfortable by opening up their home and
their hearts to us; Pastor Mari informed us of our choices in how we wanted to birth, Pastor Russ told great stories, we made lifelong friends, and we got to eat AMAZING food.
I was anxious... and the idea that there were options beyond what we saw on TV on how a pregnancy goes was a lot to take in. Initially I was ready for the late-night pickles and ice cream runs, screaming all the way to the hospital, hitting the wife up with drugs, then maybe a c-section to top it off. The information that Pastor Mari and all the Birthright Babies Doula's in-Training gave us were so empowering. After processing all the choices, we decided to have both our beautiful babies in the comfort of our own home, through water births (Samonte was born in Hawaii, but Everdeen was born in California and we were blessed that Pastor Russ and Pastor Mari were able to fly out to be there). The birth team was amazing through the whole process; they continuously found ways to confirm and even strengthen our decisions, and allowed the labor to happen just they we wanted and I am so grateful they were there to educate and support us. Even to this day, my wife calls and texts Pastor Mari with any questions we may have; we are so blessed that this group was a part of our births and is a part of our lives today.
I thought having kids was going to be of course one of the most nerve racking experiences I've ever had. Honestly, yes I was nervous, but because of the info I learned from the Childbirth class I felt educated. I'm so glad we went with the decision to birth at home, doing a water birth. Both my sons were home births in the birth tub. And from my experience as a dad, I wouldn't do it any other way.
The support from our birth coach (doula) and midwife gave me such a peace of mind, Especially on the big day. Because of the way in which the birth team does things, My Wife and I were able to have 2 amazing births just the way we wanted them. Not having to worry about whether people will be following our birth plan or not listening to what we wanted as an experience, that in itself was a load off my shoulders.
Plus in addition to having after birth help to really allow us to spend time with the baby, and knowing we can call on them for any questions or concerns we had in the future. I really appreciate all they do.
Written on 3/7/18 Silas is now almost 2 weeks old. <warning: potential rant up ahead?> His expected due date was March 8 (tomorrow), and some people would refer to him as prematurely born, however, he’s perfectly fine and was born when he was supposed to be born. After having 4 children (and 3 of them being born at home) it is clearer to me that most babies are born when they (and mama’s body) are ready. Under certain circumstances some babies are born quite prematurely, but the mother’s expected “due date” is more of a guess than anything. I’m proud of any mother who gives birth by any means, whether it’s medicated, unmedicated, in the hospital, at home, by C-section, or in a field. But I am becoming increasingly alarmed that our society basically sends a message to women that birth is something that requires hospitalization as the safest thing for you and your baby. This is not a hippie uprising thing. The hospital is a necessary place and there are babies that should be born there. My experience with the birth of all 4 of our children leads me to this conviction: that giving birth should ultimately be an experience that empowers a woman, and not lead her to fear or feeling helpless. I’m not saying that birth isn’t a scary experience; of course the thought and action of a baby coming out of your body is a scary thing, I’m just saying the process doesn’t need to be ruled by fear. I am not bashing hospitals or saying that home birth is the only way. I’m not saying my wife is better because she gave birth at home (although she is amazing and strong); I am simply saying and hoping that more women and men (especially dads) will make the effort to take a deeper look at what birth really is and make choices from being informed and educated on their options, and become stronger and more confident mothers and fathers who are not clueless and fearful. #educateyourself #faithoverfear #cutebabypicthatisnotmeanttoattracttrolls #womenarestrong
A Dad’s Perspective
Our journey began when my wife and I we’re blessed to cross paths with Dr. Mari. My wife, upon a referral from a friend, inquired about the placenta encapsulation, aka “HAPPY PILLS”, for
*GUYS, these placenta pills ARE A MUST! DO NOT GO WITHOUT THEM!
Happy pills = happy wife, happy wife = happy life!
During the conversation, Dr. Mari warmly invited us to sign up for the Birth Believers birthing classes, which we gladly did.
Now I have to be honest. I was not immediately excited with the thought that on a Monday, after working all day, I’d have to drive to Kaneohe to sit in a class for 3 hours. But, as we entered the room, the vibe was welcoming and positive. And, after the first class, we were certain that we were in the right place.
The information Rebekah, Dr. Mari, and the Birth Believer team have to offer is INVALUABLE to mom’s health, baby’s health, and dad’s wellbeing. You WILL NOT get this kind of information anywhere else, especially NOT in any hospital. Their main focus is, for us as future parents, to feel confident that we can make the best decisions as a couple, through pregnancy, labor and delivery, and postpartum care. Always know that there is NO WRONG WAY. And, though there are more natural ways, in the end, there is ONLY YOUR WAY.
We came to a decision that we wanted to bring our daughter into this world at home and with no drugs. I can’t tell you how impressed I am with my wife’s will to withstand the labor pains.
*GUYS, it is at this point to remember not to take anything personally. She might not want you to touch her, talk to her, or even breathe near her! But, try to block that out and just be there for her the best way you know how.
*Practice your “Pelvic Squeeze”, it comes in very handy!
We’re so blessed to have had the opportunity to bring our baby girl into this world the way we had envisioned and that she was as healthy as we could of hoped for. We’re so grateful to Rebekah and the whole Birth Believers team, and to Dr. Mari and Dr. Lori for being an essential part of our baby’s birth team. I can’t thank them all enough!